Parading the streets of social media, particularly Instagram Avenue and Facebook Round Point, my ears and eyes became accustomed to a term which is certainly new to my vocabulary.
The repetition of the terms ‘Baby Mama’ and ‘Baby Dad’ is incessant in some blogs piloted by some social media activists who, under the canopy of “Mummy Hide My ID”, expose some emotional and sensational stories which seem to explain the sham realities of our society.
An anecdote of these stories with similar facts has been: a girl being impregnated and abandoned by a boy, and a boy or man has abandoned a lady with whom he has children just to marry another girl. This action narrowly labels both the titles Baby Dad and Baby Mama. In most cases, the so-called baby dads are abroad.
After acquainting myself with some of these stories, which to me were fictitious, I concerted to satisfy my informative appetite by journeying to the Southwest Region, which, as highlighted by the stories, is disputably the factory of baby mamas and baby dads in Cameroon.
Beginning from the city of Kumba, I met a girl, aged 21, with two little children of 4 and 5. I asked Marie, Are you married? She looked at me with a composure of temper and a uniform cheerfulness of manner and replied with a fat No! Her big No! was accompanied by the agitation that she barely feeds because her baby dad has abandoned her with these two children.
Her story isn’t different from those of the other girls I encountered. The only difference is the number of children. While some are lucky to have Baby Dads from responsible families who send them small allowances, the unlucky ones hawk or engage in polished prostitution called “hookup or runs”.
Though slapped with the rawness of reality, I proceeded to the city of Limbe, where the Baby Mamas coloured their course with a degree of maturity, strength and sagacity. The Baby Mamas here range between the ages of 22, 25 and 30. They look so responsible because many of them are working-class ladies who do not even care about the existence of their baby dad. It’s safest to pen that many of them have moved on with their lives and are independently taking full responsibility for their children.
I left Limbe with a balance of emotion and navigated to Buea, which is unarguably the capital city of baby mamas and baby dads in Cameroon. I entered the city and made a stop at the famous environment baptised A.K.A. Molyko. It may not be kindness, but it is candidness to say the narrative here is catastrophic and horrific, with little children littered on the street causing nothing but traffic.
The majority of the Baby Mamas here are girls of ages 16, 17, 18 and 20 who are either still in the process of obtaining a certificate or graduates who are doing nothing. They are either surviving from the pittance of their poor parents, or they engage in full-time advanced prostitution (“hookup/runs”).
What can convince me that Buea is the capital of Baby Mamas is the fact that many of the baby Mamas here have children with different baby dads. This is the case of Bonita, age 20, who has 3 children with 3 different baby dads. She prides herself on saying she doesn’t make children with any type of boys, that all her babies’s dads are abroad. I asked if she hopes any of them will come back and marry her. Her blatant response is, Two of them are already married, and Boris (the third) doesn’t have my time again. The good thing is that they are sending me money to take care of their children.
Finally, I questioned 10 girls with children, and 8 of them are baby mamas, while the remaining 2 are married. This confirms the fact that the terms ‘baby mama’ and ‘baby dad’ are increasingly replacing the appellation of ‘husband’ and ‘wife’. This disturbing information pushed me to ruminate as to what could be the cause of this sudden change of title.
What I got from experience and research is
(1) poverty,
(2) lack of proper home training,
(3) peer influence,
and
(4) bad influence from some social media influencers. But how can we change the current?
*Proposals for Maintaining and increasing the titles of Husband and Wife.*
Though this reality is challenging due to the financial hurricane plaguing the country, I think the following can help curb the situation
(1) *Sensitization*
It is the highest action that can curb the number of baby mamas in the country. Civil society organisations should take the bull by the horn by sensitizing our young girls and boys on the importance of abstinence till during marriage. They should preach the effects of bearing children out of wedlock, so that the baby dads can see the need for getting married to their mamas which will eventually make their children legitimate.
(2) *Reduction of Dowries* Families should desist from giving heavy dowry list as if they are selling their daughter’s. Such lists have prevented many from getting married and consequently illegitimising their children.
(3) *Reduction of Marriage procedures and fees*
The government should as well facilitate marriage procedures and reduce government fees for such procedures.
If the above proposals are implemented, we can bring back societal sanity through marriages.
For it is said that “a stable country stems from stable families “,
